Portrait of a lady

update!

2009-09-09T03:33:20Z

So work has been horrible. I got a job with Target in Castle Rock last week and they've been working me this whole week for 8 hours. Sometimes I'm just standing there! But today I worked in Food Avenue and I saw the most amazing thing ever. Two elderly couples who have been friends for, probably centuries, have coffee and talk every Tuesday in our dining area. I thought that was the best thing to see. It warmed my heart, haha. And when I was driving home the clouds covered most of the sky and it looked like some of the dark clouds were being swept downwards with a big paint brush. It looked like it touched the ground, and the bright light of the sun was peaking out of open holes in the sky. it was just so pretty! Anyway, since I started working, I feel a little more human. I'm interacting with people and feeling comfortable with myself but it all feels like I'm in a dream. Everyday it feels like that, but when I get home I'm awake even though I'm exhausted. Is that weird? I haven't really made any friends but I guess that takes time. I'm used to going to parties and just talking with everyone and being really dumb crazy with Diana and Megan but I guess I can't do that at work, huh. Haha. I miss them. I miss everyone back home. I've been terribly home sick but trying to make the most of it.

I think Megan is visiting me this week! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Homework sucks online, I miss being in a classroom. I can just sit in the back and no one has to notice me, haha. I think I learn better with an instructor instead of just reading it on my own. We have these discussion boards and you have to post a reply to her topic so everyone can read it. Ew.

Ash is the cutest, as usual. Still breast feeding! I don't think he'll ever want to stop but I think it might be that time... Although it is a lot easier putting him to bed with my boobs!

Ethan and I are doing really well, I think both of us working and not being around each other everyday gives us more excitement. :) His mom is still in Japan and won't be back 'til the end of September. I miss her! She's so cute. I miss my own mother too, but I usually talk to her pretty frequently. I haven't really talked to anyone on the phone from California besides family. I think it would make me more homesick because I'm missing out on their lives as well as they missing out on mine. But I'll get through it, like my friend said, I just have to find my place in Colorado. And I will! I'm trying to better myself, start anew with confidence and intelligence. Pick my friends better and just be closer to God. (I'm trying to anyway) Hopefully I'll find that I'm a pretty awesome person and believe it!

Ethan and I

2009-05-13T07:10:07Z

So we've lived in Colorado for 2 weeks now. It's kinda weird, like it doesn't even feel like I left California! It's the same weather! Haha. I think once it snows or when I fly back from California after my cousin's wedding it'll feel like a new beginning and a new place. I actually feel kind of hopeful of the future instead of weary of it now. Like I can do anything I want. I used to feel like there was no choices for me other than raising a baby and working @ the same job the rest of my life. Now I feel like I can go back to school and start over. Make new friends and maybe reinvent myself. (Just to throw some self confidence in there) BTW It's really beautiful out here!

I've been worried about Megan lately. Ever since Q left for the army she's been depressed. Their relationship wasn't going all that well before he left and I don't know if this will make it worse. He's hard to talk to now, I'm hoping the military won't make him harder to get through to. But, I'm praying and talking to her pretty much every day, just trying to make her feel better. She got married, I moved to Colorado and Q joined the Army all in a matter of a week and a half. That's gotta be stressful!!! Anyway, I feel boring right now, haha. I've just been watching movies, eating, sleeping and going grocery shopping. Weee.

Old Love Letters...

2009-03-07T11:23:30Z

(Start from the bottom)

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Ethan
Date: Oct 5, 2007 4:00 PM

oh my god!!!!!!!!!!! hahahahahaha! that is so wrong. LOL! I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Cindy Jizzyjugs
Date: Oct 5, 2007 3:29 PM

Wow!! That's a lot to cram in one night.

All I did was invent a time machine and traveled back to February 23rd 1981 to sock your mom in her baby maker. Then I went back to my own time and fell into a peaceful sleep.

What are you doing tonight?

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Ethan
Date: Oct 5, 2007 2:27 PM

hmmmm. what didnt we do after you guys left. we went to disney land and had breakfast with mickey and the gang,then we went to north korea and wrestled mal nurished midgets, and then................ we took a shuttle up into space and checked out pluto! it was cold.

what did you do?

Man, I miss those days.

My niece Kyrie!!!

2008-10-29T06:36:00Z

Was born 10/28/08
9lbs. 10oz. 20 inches long
So cute and sooooo chubby!
Haha, I think she looks more like her daddy. =]
Man, I love my nephew Bradley, my niece Kyrie and my son Ash so much, I never even imagined that I could FEEL this much!!! I'm so HAPPPPPYYYY!!!!!!

So many babies!!!

liveatreyulove @ 2008-10-24T14:05:00

2008-10-24T21:07:08Z

My nephew Bradley was born yesterday! 10/23/08.
Jesse & Elizabeth's kid is 9lbs. 8oz. 21 inches long!!!!!

Man, he has a lot of hair and big lips... Haha.

I made a song for Ethan!

2008-10-10T10:12:29Z

Ethan You're beacon to my heart
You make me want to start
A religion based off of my love for you.
I'm glad that you love me too
Ethan oh ethan oh ethan
People may call you nathan or Ian but even if that's true...
I love your face!
Your pretty, pretty, pretty face
That makes my heart go pitter pat
Pitter pitter pat
Pitter pitter pat
Ethan my eyes only see you
And it hurt when I didn't see that wall because I was staring @ you.
My dad likes you the best
Out of all the rest
Because you are half Asian
And if you're as smart as he thinks you are
Than you'll never break my heart
Or he'll burry you in his back yard
Where no one can ever tell there are bodies under the dirt hill
So make sure you don't make it awkward and mention this to him or he'll kill you...
And burry in the back yard where no one can ever tell there are bodies under the dirt hill...
But even if he does I'll visit you a lot and leave flowers on your grave
I love your face!
Your pretty, pretty, pretty face that makes my heart go pitter pat
Pitter pitter pat
Pitter pitter pat
Ethan oh Ethan oh Ethan
I want to have more of your children, uh huh!
But I better have a girl or I'll sock you in the face with my angry vagina
Good thing I love you like the sun
You both make me hot
And it's not a lie, I say it a lot
Ethan oh Ethan oh Ethan
You make want to run in the street singin'
Lalalalala
Lalalalala
I love your face
Your pretty pretty face that makes my heart go pitter pat
Pitter pitter pat
Pitter pitter pat
Lalalalala
Lalalalala
Lalalalala

liveatreyulove @ 2008-10-06T06:27:00

2008-10-06T13:28:27Z

Oh my gosh I am so ridiculous!!!!

I cannot go to sleep even though I so desperately want to...
Man.

I'm nuts.

p.s. I'm watching Balto, good movie!

liveatreyulove @ 2008-10-03T03:52:00

2008-10-03T11:05:36Z

I'm trying to get into contact with people again. I just kinda hid myself away when I had my baby, which of course is understandable. But now I don't know how to get back into the groove of things. I feel totally like I'm in high school all over again. Shy, timid and don't know what to say. I think I have a problem with talking to people one on one. I'll like, look at them and then look away, avoid eye contact sometimes and my mind will go blank. I'm weird!!! And I'm pretty sure the people I talk to like that think so too, haha. And I think it has something to do with being a twin. Always having someone by my side when I interact with people... Hmmm

I'm trying to get motivated to make a routine so I can get my body back to normal. (And actually get healthy!) It's easier said than done. I'm a total procrastinator. Even when I look in the mirror and hate what I see, I get all pumped up to go to the gym and then Ash'll get hungry and I'll get distracted. Seriously, what will it take for me to GO. Weighing 500 lbs. and pooping on myself with fungus under all my many rolls where I'd find things I've rolled over? Would I even be able to roll over? Sheesh. I need motivaaatttiiioonnnnn. Actually.. That SHOULD be my motivation.

And I keep listening to songs that remind me of Khalil, Andrew, Mat, Sharde, Melissa, and other people I've lost contact with. Takes me back to what happened that day we listened to them. =[ It makes me sad but I love the music... Every song I've listened to has some sort of memory attached to it.
I need a new playlist!

Aw, nostalgia at work.

Women with periods, men with commas

2008-09-20T07:35:36Z

I found some lyrics by Tegan and Sara that remind me of Ethan.
Awww...

I felt you in my legs
Before I even met you
And when I laid beside you
For the first time
I told you
I feel you in my heart,
And I don't even know you

I felt you in my life
Before I ever thought to
Feel the need to lay down
Beside you
And tell you
I feel you in my heart,
And I don't even know you

liveatreyulove @ 2008-09-19T02:18:00

2008-09-19T09:18:37Z

Today was a great day because I actually SLEPT last night.
Work is going okay, I'm thinking of asking for a raise but I'm so frightened of being rejected... I think I deserve one, even though I'm late sometimes... Okay, most of the time. But I do my job well. I catch on quickly, I do whatever my boss asks of me, I volunteer to come in early, and I'm just plain awesome! I have a child to support now so I need more than 9 dollars an hour. Especially since I'm only working 3 days a week for 8.5 hours a day. And I really need more courage... Pretty much in every corner of my life... Someone told me that once you have a kid, everything changes. Especially your ability to stand up to people.

I was listening to this old CD I found at my parents house.
This song just reminded me why I need to stop worrying so much, it's meaning less!
As I Lay Dying - Confined. These are just some of the lyrics that inspire me.

"How quickly I forget
That this is meaningless

In a world passing through my fingers
I still chase the wind

What have I learned from yesterday?"

Gosh I missed hardcoreymetal.

I need to stop slouching.

Update on Mary Anne

2008-09-16T14:40:01Z

Mary Anne is still in the hospital but doing better. She can update her myspace so that's a good sign... =] She needed a blood transfusion because one of her veins almost collapsed... Man, I'm so effing glad she's alive. Thank you Grace for praying for her!! ((I can't write you back.)

liveatreyulove @ 2008-09-16T07:34:00

2008-09-16T14:37:09Z

I love how some people are unapologetic about who they are. Me...I find myself muttering sorry for being alive every time anything goes wrong.

Oh, a bird poo pooed on your head while you were peeing on my shoe? I'm sorry!

I feel ashamed of who I am because I don't have any confidence. I'm afraid of confrontation, afraid of upsetting anyone or hurting their feelings and yet I sit there and let them pummel me with fists of conflicts and let them beat me down with guilt. I seriously hate that about myself. I forgive to easily and forget too soon.

liveatreyulove @ 2008-09-04T19:31:00

2008-09-05T02:31:50Z

My friend Maryanne was hit by a car yesterday.

She broke both her legs and was in surgery last night but she still needs more surgery. She's a wonderful, loving person with a good heart. She's been having other problems as well before this so I just hope she pulls through with the same positivity that she's been keeping with her since I've known her. Please pray for her.

Thank you!

Ash Hiro Ahlstrom

2008-09-02T07:34:37Z

7/22/08
7 lbs. 15 oz.
20 inches

It took me 21 freaking hours! Haha, but I had an epidural the first 19 hours so I didn't feel much for the first stages. It was so incredible to feel his head coming out and for Ethan to yell out "it's a boy!!!" I'm so glad we didn't find out his sex when we could have. Man... I hated being pregnant and I KNOW that it hurt like hell, but I can't really remember how it felt... So now I know I'd want another baby some day.

Anyway, now he's almost 12 lbs. and it's only been a little over a month!
He's so cute, always looking around and making funny noises.
He's working on turning over and lifting his head when he's on his tummy.
Sometimes I think he's a little too smart for his age... =]

liveatreyulove @ 2008-07-19T15:06:00

2008-07-19T22:13:51Z

So they had my due date wrong! It was the 16th! 3 days ago! This one is based on fetal development and not my last menstrual period so if I don't go into labor by Monday, they'll have to induce me and that could take up to 6 days... LOVELY!!

Ethan and I are doing pretty good. We laugh a lot at stupid stuff we come up with. The other day I was complaining that fetus doesn't ever want to come out. "Well, when I'm in you I never want to come out..." EW! Hahaha! I love him for being gross and silly like me.

I just feel horrible because Megan is having a hard time with Quintin. She quit her job because she knew they were going to fire her and now Q is stressing out about it because he feels like he has to pay for everything. On top of that He's treating her like crap. He's not sensitive even though he knows he should be because she's pregnant. He gets annoyed at her if she cries or if she wants to talk about how she's feeling. When she's over a my apartment I feel guilty because my boyfriend is being supportive and loving and hers is being a douche. I hope that they work it out soon... I'm worried about her!!

liveatreyulove @ 2008-07-07T22:11:00

2008-07-08T05:12:44Z

New cell phone law

I figured we could all use the good laugh on this one!

Cell phones - New Law
(2008)

According
to new law that goes into effect July 1, 2008 you will no
longer be able to use a cell phone while driving unless you
have a 'hands free' adapter.

I went to Circuit City and they wanted $50 for a headset with
a microphone for my cell phone. Having a friend in the cell
phone business, I talked with him and was able to come up
with an alternative, working through Office
Depot..

These kits are compatible with any mobile
phone and one size fits all. I paid him $0.08 each because
he bought in quantity.

Then
we tried it with Motorola, Sprint, Verizon and Nokia units
and they worked perfectly.

A photo is attached so
scroll down & take a look and let me know if you want
one.

Also,
forward this to anyone you know, who has a cell phone, and
who may want one!

I can hear you laughing. I thought you could use a laugh. WE
ALL NEED TO LAUGH MORE......HAVE A GREAT DAY!

liveatreyulove @ 2008-05-02T15:28:00

2008-05-02T22:29:05Z

So we've decided on names!

It's either Ash Hiro for a boy or Sage Kiyoko for a girl.

liveatreyulove @ 2008-05-01T12:58:00

2008-05-01T20:00:02Z

My feet are 3 times their normal size.

Weee!

liveatreyulove @ 2008-04-30T12:44:00

2008-04-30T19:47:54Z

We found an apartment in Rancho Cucamonga and have moved in recently! Yay!

Now we're doing our best to make it look pretty and be suited to both our tastes.
Ethan's decorating the living room and our bathroom looks boommbb.

I'm a lot happier now. =]

Diary of a Young Girl

2008-04-30T19:39:27Z

"I wonder if it's really a good quality not to let myself be influenced. Is it really good to follow almost entirely my own conscience? Quite honestly, I can't imagine how anyone can say, 'I'm weak,' and then remain so. After all, if you know it, why not fight against it, why not try to train your character? The answer was: 'Because it's so much easier not to!' This reply rather discouraged me. Easy? Does that mean that a lazy deceitful life is an easy life? Oh no, that can't be true, it mustn't be true, people can so easily be tempted by slackness... and by money."

"A type like Peter finds it difficult to stand on his own feet, but it's even harder to stand on your own feet as a conscious, living being. Because if you do, then it's twice as difficult to steer a right path through the sea of problems and still remain constant through it all."

..."How can I make it clear to him that what appears easy and attractive will drag him down into the depths, depths where there is no comfort to be found, no friends and no beauty, depths from which it is almost impossible to realize oneself? We all live, but we don't know the why or the where. We all live with the object of being happy, our lives are all different and yet the same... We have the chance to learn , the possibility of attaining something, we have all reason to hope for much happiness, but... we must earn it for ourselves. And that is never easy. You must work and do good, not be lazy and gamble, if you wish to earn happiness. Laziness may appear attractive, but work gives satisfaction."...

"People who have a religion should be glad, for not everyone has the gift of believing in heavenly things. You don't necessarily even have to be afraid of punishment after death; purgatory, hell, and heaven are things that a lot of people can't accept, but still a religion, it doesn't matter which, keeps a person on the right path. It isn't the fear of God but the upholding of one's own honor and conscience. How noble and good everyone could be if, every evening before falling asleep, they were to recall their minds the events of the whole day and consider exactly what has been good and bad. Then, without realizing it, you try to improve yourself at the start of each new day; of course, you achieve quite a lot in the course of time. Anyone can do this, it costs nothing and is certainly very helpful. Whoever doesn't know it must learn and find by experience that: 'A quite conscience makes one strong!'"

liveatreyulove @ 2008-03-10T10:42:00

2008-03-10T17:53:49Z

I'm having an ultra sound done today!

I'm extremely excited and giddy with happiness and it bubbles up like gas in my stomach every time I think about that little ugly (for right now) fetus in my uterus.

I still can't believe I'm having a BABY.
Something that I have to keep FOREVER.
Hahaha. If you know me, I lose EVERYTHING...

Well, if I do lose the kid, I'll just make another one. That was sure easy enough.. Haha.

I hope I get the 3-D picture for my US. Ethan and I decided that we didn't want to know the sex so if we DO get the 3-D, it'll be easy to tell... EEP! Almost everyone is getting mad at me except Rachel because they won't know what color clothes to buy me. I hate that blue has to be for boys and pink for girls. I just want him or her to wear black all the time!!! Haha

Grace bought me this little onesie that says "Toadly Cool" With a picture of a frog on it... Hahaha, it's going to wear that EVERYDAY!!!! Now that's my kind of humor! =]

I'm so happy that I have friends.

Haha.

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

liveatreyulove @ 2008-02-27T20:18:00

2008-02-28T04:57:56Z

Your reflection is perfection, but you're looking in a broken mirror.

liveatreyulove @ 2008-02-27T12:13:00

2008-02-27T20:13:43Z

God, I have the best boyfriend in the world!

liveatreyulove @ 2008-02-01T11:58:00

2008-02-01T20:05:09Z

So I'm trying to find an apartment in Riverside and it's so hard! I never knew a one bedroom apartment could be so expensive! Ethan and I are trying our damned hardest to figure this all out but it is such a discouraging thing to do! I'll have to apply for well fare and my cousin said something about disability.... Like, during any time through my pregnancy I can go to the doctor and say I don't feel well or whatever and get my disability through my social security. Ethan said I might as well do that because it looks like we won't be getting any when we're older unless some miraculous changes are made in our government... I just hate lying, I'm pretty bad at it... But if I don't have to work and still get money to support my baby AND raise him/her, I'll do it! Just pray for me. I need it!

Haha

2008-01-29T22:51:37Z

I flooded the restroom @ work.

I told them my water broke.
I really did drop my kids off at the pool!